


Blackhole

by tinylittlestars



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: 2020 we write twilight fics, Eating Disorders, Gen, canon pairings - Freeform, please check notes before reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinylittlestars/pseuds/tinylittlestars
Summary: It's only been a couple of weeks since the Cullens returned to Forks. Bella is running on an all time low in self-confidence, and nothing burns more than a black-eyed Rosalie seemingly throwing her out of the Cullen house whilst the rest of the family is on a hunt.TW: Eating disordersTakes place after the events of New Moon, but before Eclipse.
Relationships: Rosalie Hale & Bella Swan
Kudos: 21





	Blackhole

**Author's Note:**

> Please do take caution. Rosalie's experiences mostly align with ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), though she doesn't really mention it in name.

“Hmm, so do you guys all hunt at the same time?”

Bella and Edward were laying in their meadow in a rare, slow afternoon. Their fingers were interlaced, and they were sharing a pair of earphones to listen to some music as they lounged. Bella knew that Edward didn’t really need the earphones in his ear to actually hear it, but he always was a fan of concrete gestures regardless. 

They didn’t always talk during these times, as Edward had quite enough noise buzzing in his head at all times and Bella seemed sensitive to the presence of others barring supernatural abilities. But it was also the only time Bella could indulge in her curiosity safely, without the judgement of the rest of the Cullens listening. 

“It would be convenient if we were all synced up,” Edward laughed, twirling Bella’s hair idly. “But we try our best. For one, Emmett probably gets hungry twice as often as Alice. Carlisle is quite slow with his pacing and Jasper tends to be done in a flash. Not to mention Rosalie…” Suddenly Edward paused and cut himself off, looking slightly frustrated at his slip up. 

“Gotcha.” She really didn’t get it, but knew it wasn’t her’s to understand at this moment. “I wouldn’t think of a larger vampire needing more blood, but that makes sense.”

“Carlisle is definitely the person to ask more information on that, by the way.” Edward runs his fingers over her knuckles, appreciating the lack of follow up about his mistake. 

“Too bad there’s no way he could publish that thesis.” Bella snorted good-naturedly, scooting closer to Edward. She felt herself dozing off in the comfort of the atmosphere. “I think I’m going to nap, if that’s okay.”

Edward grins at her. “Of course, love. I will however take this time to procure the other earphone and listen to some of your music.”

Bella felt the earphone removed. “Sure. You won’t judge my taste, but don’t judge me anyways.” She slung her arm over his torso. 

“You’re perfect, even though I see,” he squints his eyes for comedic effect. “several Ska albums listed on here.”

Bella smiled softly, feeling too tired to verbally respond. Though the feelings of love bubbled in her chest like never before in this perfect moment, her last thought was curiosity over what Edward said about Rosalie. 

~

Months pass. The Cullens leave and come back before Bella really reflects on what Edward said that day in regards to Rosalie. 

Following their return, along with all the apologies Bella would hear to come, Carlisle gifted her with a key to the house. Free for her to come and go as she please, regardless if anyone else was home or not. It sat squarely on her keychain, acting as a fidget toy as a reminder that they’re still here. 

She doesn’t use it very often. 

Not out of fear, but mainly out of circumstance. Any of the Cullens hear her and graciously open the door before she even has a chance to dig into her pockets. 

Today though, is different. 

All of the Cullens went hunting somewhere in Canada for the long weekend. Although she wasn’t quite comfortable enough to take up their space without their absence, she did take up the open offer to raid Carlisle’s library. She figured the demonstrative gesture would mean more to Carlisle than the actual pleasure the books would give her, but that was all the more reason for her to muster the courage. 

The drive was soothing. As lovely as it was to be surrounded by true unconditional love, a part of her will always need some alone time to mentally decompress. A brief respite to lose herself in her thoughts was exactly what she needed. Before she knew it, she arrived on the long driveway of the Cullen home.

Bella hopped off her truck, slamming the car door close before searching her pockets for her keys. As she finally grasped the key, she barely blinked her eyes before registering a body in front of her.

Rosalie.

Though Rosalie never treated her kindly, she never quite looked as full of hatred as she did in this moment. Her usual immaculate hair was tangled, and the obsidian black of her eyes directed towards Bella sent shivers of horror down her spine.

Bella instinctively took a step back.

“Get out of here. Please.” There was clear vitriol rolling off her words in waves, but there was also some pleading. 

“Uh. Sure. Are you okay?” All of Bella’s nerve endings fired off, telling her to run, run, run. But if Rosalie was in danger, she couldn’t just leave her. Even if she was useless in almost all situations. 

“I am fucking fine. Now, please go!” Rosalie barked back sharply.

Later Bella would note that this wasn’t her most eloquent moment, as she nodded for a bit longer before heading back into her truck in a bit of a daze. 

Bella revved on the engine and looked back at the house. Rosalie was no longer in sight. Like a ghost. 

To her credit, she did wait until she was surely far enough away from vampire hearing range before she let some tears fall from her eyes. Pathetic, she thought. Even the outright rejection of someone she knew disliked her sent her emotions haywire.

God, she was not looking forward to her attempt for future resolution of this. She’d definitely have to apologize for invading Rosalie’s privacy, even if she did so unintentionally. Things with Rosalie were shaky enough as it is. The minimal growth of their relationship following the Italy escapade was surely removed at this point. Bella couldn’t imagine someone you couldn’t stand entering your home without consideration. 

By the time her ruminations were at least somewhat settled for the time being, Bella noted she arrived back to her own driveway. Barely remembering the drive home, she made her way back up to her room. Charlie still had a couple of hours before he arrived home, and Bella didn’t have much else to fill up her day. Zero chance of her trying to cook an early dinner and burn her hand again in this mood. Charlie would easily welcome a pizza dinner regardless if it came to that.

Dejectedly, she laid on her bed and stared at the bare expanse of her ceiling as the rest of the bright afternoon rolled by. She wasn’t sure how long she spent doing absolutely nothing, but her phone buzzed. And then it buzzed again. It was a phone call. Bella blinked. Typically the only person who called her without a warning was her mother, and she only called on Sundays.

Rolling to grab the phone, she saw the screen display Rosalie’s name. Bella hardly remembered having her phone number to begin with. She fought back the temptation to ignore the phone call and not ruin things further, but bit back against her cowardice and answered it anyways.

“Hi?” 

“Hi Bella. There’s some things I need to clear-up. Would you come back to the house?” For once, Rosalie sounded hesitant. Bella noted that this was the first time Rosalie has referred to her by her name and took it as an attempt to not come-off unkindly.

“Sure thing.” She responded before her brain caught up to her reflexes.

“Oh. Great. Uh, I’ll see you soon.” Rosalie hung up.

After the driest phone call she’s had all year concluded, Bella mustered up the effort to take a look in the mirror and look semi-presentable before she trekked back to the Cullen house. She spent a couple of moments pressing her slightly red eyes with a cold, wet napkin.

Before she finally headed out, Bella scribbled out a quick note to Charlie that she’d be over the Cullen house and to order pizza if she was out too long.

Her anxiety kept escalating ever so slightly as she neared back to the Cullen home, but she figured if she was able to dull her sense of self-preservation enough to face the Volturi, she could surely do the same to chat with Rosalie. 

The drive was too long and too short at the same time. Before Bella realized it, she was once again parked in the long Cullen driveway. She hopped off her truck, looking ahead to see Rosalie’s dark eyes burning holes into her being several meters away.

As she approached, Roaslie gave a short wave. The tension was similar to a small boat on rocky waters, and a part of Bella feels like either of them could fall off at any time.

“Hi Bella. Sorry for earlier. Let’s go inside.” Rosalie said, turning away and re-entering the house before Bella could reply.  
Bella stepped into the mostly unpopulated Cullen home, the first time she’s done so without Edward, Alice or Esme being present. The comforting atmosphere made the large space more palatable to her senses. The open space was almost terrifying, stretching her eyes to observe every corner of the room constantly. If Rosalie noticed her increased heart rate, she didn’t comment on it.

“Pick a seat, Bella. I’ll be right back with something and then I’ll talk to you about what happened earlier.” Rosalie sped away. If it weren’t for the current silence of the house, Bella wouldn’t have been able to hear Rosalie clearly operating the microwave for a couple moments. Another thing she notes that she wouldn’t have done in the past for Bella. 

Relaxing slightly at Rosalie’s attempts of maintaining a good atmosphere, Bella plops down unceremoniously at the plush white seat, pressing her body to the sides of the cushion to gain a better sense of grounding. The slight moment to compose herself does wonders, and by the time Rosalie emerges with a warm plate of Esme’s leftover carbonara, Bella is able to grab the plate with a smile and a quick thanks.

Rosalie perched on the sofa across from Bella. She twirled her hair in an almost self-conscious manner for several seconds. Bella wasn’t sure if Rosalie was intentionally being silent or just working up the nerve to state her mind, but the stretch of silence was increasingly worrisome to her.

“Are you alright, Rosalie?” She asks, both out of genuine worry and out of the need to cease her anxiety regarding the unknown. Rosalie stops her actions at once and makes eye contact with Bella.

“Sorry. Yes, I am now but I wasn’t earlier. I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier, Bella.” Rosalie breaks eye contact again, resuming her hair twisting. “I was in a bad mood but it doesn’t excuse my actions. You have every right to this space as I do, and I shouldn’t make you feel unwelcome.”

“It’s fine, Roaslie. I appreciate your apology.” Bella says, awkwardly twirling the pasta endlessly to busy her own hands. Despite her outwardly steady nature, she’s never been able to accept a heartfelt apology with grace. Bella debated asking her next question for a few moments, but decided now was the time to go for a push. 

“Did something happen to you? Is everything alright?” The conversation feels strained to Bella. She doesn’t know Rosalie, not really. Bella knows she isn’t seen favorably by her and doesn’t know the best way to approach her, doesn’t know what boundaries she should steer clear from. The massive uncertainty of the entire situation manifests, and she presses her back more against her seat, fearing Rosalie’s response. 

“Truthfully, Bella. I don’t want to answer. Er, not as a personal thing against you, but I’ve just always been very guarded in this manner. But I do think that me explaining myself will clear things up between us.” 

“Okay, that’s fine. If you don’t want to have a conversation right this-” Bella starts.

“No, no. It’s better to have this when it’s just us, just for my sake.” Rosalie interjects. Physically collecting her own courage, Rosalie leans a smidgen more in Bella’s direction. “As you know, I’m not the biggest advocate for our lifestyle.”

Bella has the sense that this very much an understatement, but nods anyways.

“There’s a multitude of reasons, some of which I think we should discuss later. But in regards as to why I acted the way I did earlier today, I’ll talk about that.” 

Bella doesn’t know anything about Rosalie’s past. Edward has hinted that it was tragic enough to warrant not hearing from his mouth, and that was enough of a sign that it wasn’t really Bella’s business. Bella is certain that as long as her and Rosalie’s relationship is not even at the acquaintance level, this will be the only time she has Rosalie’s attention on this matter.

“Truth be told, I am actually very due to hunt. But I, ah, struggle to hunt on occasion. Not for any ethical reasons. I struggled with eating as a human too.” Rosalie pauses, collecting more vulnerability before continuing. “Knowledge on that sort of thing wasn’t wide-spread when I was a human, and I haven’t actually looked into it myself even until now.”

Bella nods, partially out of empathy but partially out of being unable to respond otherwise.

“It had nothing to do with how I perceived my body at all, to clarify. Just sometimes, the idea of eating anything just makes me want to gag, even now. As a human, I greatly embarrassed my family during social events just due to the fact that I couldn’t ever stomach consuming anything besides tea and cookies. It’s something that’s just always been worse the more I tried to overcome it. My…ex, for lack of a better wording, kept buying me these overly textured foods and I kept trying my best to eat them but I’d just dry heave immediately. As if I wanted to be like that.” Rosalie almost ranted, composing her brief rage to begin speaking again. 

“You’d think that would be something that has gone away when I transformed, but unfortunately it hasn’t. Just another way to suffer for eternity.” Bella slightly cringes at this. She knows that Rosalie doesn’t hold vampirism to any sort of enjoyment at all, but it still hurts to hear how difficult it is for Rosalie specifically.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I don’t say that to make you feel bad or to make you second guess spending eternity. I suppose I just wanted to tell you that even though your physical scars and deformities go away when the venom enters you, the mental ones remain forever. Crystal clear. It’s something I wish I had known, if I was able to consent to this.” Rosalie twiddles her fingers ever so slightly, a trace of genuine guilt showing on her face.

“Yeah, that makes sense, Rosalie. So… do you tend to stay at the house when everyone else hunts?” It’s the first time she’s spoken a complete sentence since Rosalie entered the room, and the words come out almost hoarse. 

Roaslie nods. “If I had the foresight to anticipate you visiting at some point, I would've definitely made arrangements or let you know ahead of time to not visit. I'm sorry you had to see me at my lowest like that. When I’m not attending school such as now, I find it particularly difficult to overcome the disgusting barrier of having to drink blood.” Rosalie suddenly laughs, a gesture that surprised Bella. “Emmett is so sweet in this way. A couple of times he’s tried just bringing me the blood at home but that was an even worse experience. I do love him for trying, and being patient with me. I can’t imagine many people dealing with this for almost a century.”

“He is a good guy. Thanks for telling me this Rosalie. You didn’t have to, but it is definitely appreciated” Bella says, honestly. It was reassuring to have the context of Rosalie’s sudden aggression. Knowing that it wasn’t personal at all was a weight off her shoulders, though it’s awful to hear it had such troubling roots on her end. 

“I hope you know that even if we don’t have the same relationship as you do with Alice or Esme, I would never harm you. You flying to Italy for Edward means the world to the family and I, and that is more than enough for me to try and treat you as you’ve deserved this whole time.” At a human speed, Rosalie stands up and approaches Bella, patting her shoulder lightly. “Thank you, Bella.”

Bella smiles. Taking a page off of Alice’s book, she stands up and hugs Rosalie. It clearly takes a moment for Rosalie to process the gesture, but she eventually relaxes and hugs Bella back. 

At this moment, the front door opens.

“Wow, if it isn’t my favorite wife and my favorite human sister having a moment!” Emmett bellows, immediately appearing by Rosalie’s side with a grin. 

Rosalie chuckles. “I certainly hope I am your favorite and only wife.” She elbows Emmett in the side in jest.

The rest of the family comes in after. Bella figures they would probably be more surprised at the sight of her and Rosalie spending time together alone, but supernatural abilities of the sort probably spoiled the surprise all together.

Edward shows up in a flash, kissing Bella’s cheek immediately. 

“Missed you, love.” He says, holding her hand softly.

“Missed you too, glad you came back.” It’s still only been a couple of weeks since the Cullens officially moved back to Forks, so a part of Bella is truly relieved to see them in person beyond missing them for a weekend.

“Alright. Now that we’re back, it is time to play something on the Xbox. We have enough controllers for all the ‘kids’” Emmett bellows, raising air quotes at the word kids. 

“You two.” He points at Bella and Rosalie. “Never ever join us. You have to this time, right? Right?” At this point, Bella is pretty able to resist Emmett’s pleading, and Rosalie has enough experience in this department for a millennia. They both make eye contact, and simultaneously shrug before agreeing to join for game night, much to Emmett’s immediate joy. 

No one mentions the new development. Bella figures that her and Rosalie aren’t quite friends yet, but they’re definitely something beyond what they were before, and that’s enough to grab Edward’s hands a bit harder in happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this plot-bunny wasn't super strange. This was a vent-fic that initially took place in an anthology that was centered around Bella's neuroses (so she could definitely be seen as OOC here in her relative uncertain nature), but I wasn't quite able to flesh out all of the ideas. To anyone else struggling, I hope you have a wonderful day because you definitely deserve it.


End file.
